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Five Things I’m Looking Forward To On Justified

March 12, 2010

Outside of their profoundly annoying commercials declaring that they’ve “got the movies” (yeah, ’cause I REALLY wanna watch The Departed on FX! For the love of puppies. . .), FX has to be one of my favorite networks. This is what FOX used to be in their hey day, diving headlong into the deep end, not giving a rodent’s posterior about how others saw them. With shows like The Shield, Sons of Anarchy, Damages, Nip/Tuck, and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, FX has long since established itself as the network for morally reprehensible sociopaths we all wish we could be, if only we had the minerals! So naturally, I’m very much looking forward to their new series, Justified. For starters, it’s got Timothy Olyphant, the man of only three looks:

1) The “I’m gonna end your life in the most violent way possible” look
2) The “I’m gonna pleasure your wife in the most violent way possible” look
3) The “I’m gonna stare you down in the most violent way possible for being such an utter dumbass.” look
(Live Free Or Die Hard having the best examples of this one, in particular).

Beyond that, here are five other things I’m looking forward to on Justified:

5) Timothy Olyphant shooting people in a Stetson hat. And the Stetson is just the frosting on a delicious violence-flavored cake!

4) White Supremacist gangs, ’cause if the crime dramas of FX have taught us anything, it’s that white supremacists are always up to no-good!

3) Simulated coitus that puts Skinemax to shame. What? I like simulated coitus.

2) A possible crossover with Sons of Anarchy. You know that shit would be awesome! (wishful thinking, I know! But a guy’s gotta dream, don’t he?!)

1) Walton Goggins’ teeth. Oh, how I’ve missed them since The Shield ended! Seriously, lookit them chompers!

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