Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category


C’mon Final Destination, Don’t Make The Same Mistake as 2Fast 2Furious!

June 30, 2010

I’m wondering when Hollywood is going to realize that no one really finds it all that clever when they replace letters in film titles with numbers to signify a new installment in a franchise. More often than not, it makes sequels look obnoxious and feel even more disingenuous than they already are. It’s even worse when the franchise in question has long since jumped the shark. Apparently, Final Destination doesn’t want to learn from the mistakes of others, giving us 5nal Destination, coming out next summer on August 26th, 2011 (my freakin’ birthday?! FML!!). Read the rest of this entry ?


Trailer For The RZA-Directed Wu-Tang Vs. The Golden Phoenix

June 30, 2010

I had honestly forgotten about RZA’s dream to direct an old-school-style Kung-Fu movie. I kept hearing about it, and was never really quite sure how it would all turn out. Such vanity projects by non-film celebrities can usually range from relatively “meh”-inducing, to a level of awfulness that would make Vincent Gallo look like Stanly Kubrick by comparison. The latter happens more often than not.

And while the trailer for Wu-Tang Vs. The Golden Phoenix has a slight “homemade fan film” vibe to it, there’s still a great deal of charm to be found. If anything, it reminds me the new wave of Japanese gore films that have been on the rise lately, like Tokyo Gore Police and Robo-Geisha, but thankfully without the conflicting feelings of arousal and revulsion. Read the rest of this entry ?


Black Dynamite And Seven Of Nine Want Scorpion To “FINISH HIM!”

June 9, 2010

Say what you want about there being no good video game movies, but the original Mortal Kombat flick still rocks exponentially! Dope fight scenes (especially Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion), the kick-ass soundtrack, Robin Shou’s utterly magical hair, what’s not to love?!? Unfortunately, the sequel seemed to go out of its way to sodomize the Pomeranian! And while there’s been talk of a reboot of the film franchise for years, I’ve always taken the stance of believing it would actually happen around the same time I’d come home one day to find a nekkid Scarlett Johansson in my bedroom, drippin’ corn syrup on her naughty bits! But if this video is any indication, I should start stocking up on Karo! Read the rest of this entry ?


Looking Back On, And Forward To Nikita

June 3, 2010

While I’ll probably never be able to choose between The Professional (or “Léon” for all you anal-retentive purists!) and The Fifth Element, as to which is my favorite Luc Besson movie, it seems his most enduring contribution to the world of pop culture will forever be his sexy spy thriller, La Femme Nikita (or just “Nikita” for all you anal-retentive purists!). Twenty years later, there’s still a demand for beautiful, highly trained women who refuse to be pawns in international spy games. Even J.J. Abrams’ Alias owes a good deal of credit to Nikita. Not only are we getting a new series based on the Besson film, but even ABC wants to remake the series that put Jennifer Garner on the map. So if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to take a look back at Nikita in all her forms and iterations. Read the rest of this entry ?


Five RJD2 Songs That Convince Me He Should Do Music For Film

June 2, 2010

If there’s one thing I’ve loved about RJD2 over the years, it’s that he rarely does the same thing twice. He could have easily stayed within the realm of hip-hop, and most fans would have been satisfied. And while many of them considered his third album, The Third Hand, a major misstep, I thought it was a bold departure that ultimately paid off. Listening to his latest effort, The Colossus, I realize how much of a natural progression there is to his music from his first album to his latest. Whether he’s chopping up and reconstructing samples or offering up original compositions, instrumentals or including vocals, there’s always that need to tell a story with his music. There’s always a distinct narrative, or at least the seeds of inspiration for listeners to come up with a narrative in their own minds. Read the rest of this entry ?


Not Sure How I Feel About This One

May 24, 2010

Hitman may not have been the greatest film, but dammit if it wasn’t without its charms. It certainly wasn’t about no pussified PG-13 rating, like a lot of recent action flicks, what with its abundance of splattery headshots, and a pretty sweet katana fight in a train car. Oh yeah, and Olga Kurylenko sure did love being nekkid as a jaybird whenever possible!

But I can honestly say that I never thought it would warrant a sequel. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that one will start shooting in the fall, and it may not be one of those straight-to-DVD dealies! Especially if FOX manages to pull off the miracle of convincing Timothy Olyphant to return to the role of Agent 47. I don’t know, I think he’s enjoying that TV money from Justified, right about now. He shoots the mess outta people all he wants, and doesn’t even have to shave his head! That sounds like a win-win to me!


Five Nitpicks That In No Way Affect My Enjoyment Of Iron Man 2

May 10, 2010

Warning: Some of these might be considered SPOILERS, so if you haven’t seen Iron Man 2 yet . . . what in crispy Panko-breaded hell is wrong with you?!?!? Seriously, go out and see that shit, you ninnies!!! The movie has made Scrooge McDuck paper in like three days!!

So I went to see Iron Man 2 this past Saturday, and while I fully intend to bang out an in-depth and thorough review of the film, I wanted to take a moment to go over a few little issues I had. I will say though, that the majority of the film is what the kids might consider, “Bananas!”, or “Off the reservation”, so to speak. The following complaints are actually quite meaningless, especially when measured against any scene featuring Scarlett Johansson. Read the rest of this entry ?